Eventually - namtaenabi - winner (band) [own archive] (2023)

It's a good start
I came alone to the still sea
And I made wishes for the New Year
The bitter cold that tormented me
for a while it has been cured
That's good

That's good
It looks much better than this time last year
just one thing
you are not here
That's sadness, that's all.

Taehyun finishes the rest of his beer and crumples the can in his hand. They're all at the beach house, all freaking out and dancing to some stupid music. He can see: everyone else is dancing around, Minho probably shirtless at the table, Seungyoon banging his head on a chair, Jinwoo going around in circles, only stopping once in a while to drink his bottle of champagne, and Seunghoon.. Seunghoon him. it really does. I don't want to think about it. Still, he can picture him up there, by the stereo, making sure there are always traffic jams, dancing a few steps now and then as he exhales cigarette smoke.

This is how the five of them always celebrated the New Year. Sometimes they brought girlfriends (or boyfriends) with them, sometimes just five of them. Since high school, they've moved to the East Coast, rented an inn on the beach, and thrown their own party all to themselves.

As they got older, it became more and more difficult for them to meet as often as they wanted and they didn't talk as much as they used to. But then the last days of December came and everyone prepared for this trip since it was sure that everyone would go and everyone would do what they used to do.Same process as last year.

The only difference now was that last year and the year before that, and the three years before that, Taehyun wasn't alone on the huge beach and his hand wasn't just holding a crushed beer can. No. For the past two years, Seunghoon had been there with him, smiling his goofy grin, pulling him in for a kiss and muttering something silly and cheesy in his ear. Just thinking about it made Taehyun smile softly at the clearing sky on the horizon. Seunghoon really gave him a lot, didn't he? Despite what everyone said and thought, they managed to survive.

Until last year.

Even the misunderstanding, the fight that took place right where he was now. So many harsh things were said that morning that tears were shed. Back then, Taehyun was the first to go, the only one who went so far as to take a taxi back to Seoul just to get away from it all. What did they argue about? Now that he thought about it, he couldn't even remember it clearly. No doubt it was something stupid, something trivial that should have been fixed, but he just walked away like a coward. Minho once told him that he always did that when the going got tough, but of course… Taehyun refused to admit it. And he was aware! It was a weakness of his, but since all five of them seemed to know about it, shouldn't Seunghoon have given in and gone looking for him?

Last year they left the party like him now, walking hand in hand across the sand and looking at the water. Seunghoon kissed him and…and then? Taehyun sighs, his arm swinging like he's about to drop the beer can into the water, but he stops just in time. The voice of a certain person whispering in his ear not to throw garbage into the sea.

Damn Lee Seunghoon and his constant whining.

Copy and paste "Happy New Year".
I will get tons of text messages like this.
From people I hardly see throughout the year
I don't read anymore today

i put my phone in airplane mode
i want to be silent
Instead of a loud party atmosphere
I wanted something like that
My close friends are probably
Fight against poisoning
is someone else-

Taehyun's cell phone vibrates in his pocket and he fumbles for it, suddenly receiving flashing messages. Happy New Year they say. Happy? With a groan, he puts his phone on airplane mode and puts it back in his pocket. People can have their own Happy New Year, he would be happy with just a "New Year".

The last message he received was from Jinwoo, as always a cascade of smileys and hearts. It's strange that he wasn't too drunk to write that yet. Most likely they were already at that point. Maybe everyone would be asleep if he stayed out a bit longer when he got back? Or drunk enough to let him walk past them and into his room without getting involved.

Everyone knew that they broke up last year. No doubt. Taehyun could perfectly imagine Seungyoon taking the initiative to talk to his criminal, idiot, jerk accomplices (aka Jinwoo and Minho) about how to fake nothing and make sure they don't interfere. Something that would work sober, but he didn't trust them to shut up when they were drunk. God knows what shit a drunken Song Minho can throw up on a good day.

They broke up last year and still... Why did Seunghoon have to bring a date today? Why did he have to bring a girl and pretend she was nothing? Ah Yeon was cute and all, and Taehyun couldn't help but like her bright smile and her silly jokes. But at the same time she hated the fact that Seunghoon had brought it.someoneProfrom themPlace. There they held hands for the first time, kissed and became a couple. It all happened right here, and he brought someone else with him just a year after it all ended?

¡Damn Lee Seung Hoon!

With a soft groan, Taehyun finishes tossing the can into the sea before heading back to the boarding house, wondering if he should go back upstairs. Instead, he whirls around, a sudden tightness in his chest and a sting in his eyes as a result of what he's just witnessed; Two people came out of the house, one definitely Seunghoon, judging by his limp and size. Who told you to hurt your foot before coming here? Who asked Ah Yeon to help him and take him to the beach?

That other person will probably deal with it.
Morning sun with this precious person
must be great huh
The calm winter sea - I like that
That's why I came here alone

It's a good start
I came alone to the still sea
And I made wishes for the New Year
The bitter cold that tormented me
for a while it has been cured
That's good

Taehyun staggers forward, further from the house, further from the two who just left. He doesn't want to be found like this, he hates even the idea of ​​finding any excuse to wander off alone. Not when that someone is here on a date and seems perfectly happy?

He keeps stumbling and eventually lands on the sand. Sit down, even if the cold wetness of the sand burns your jeans. It doesn't matter. It feels numb compared to the dull ache in your heart. Thanks to the cold, he can pretend that he's the only reason he's feeling so miserable, he can blame the cold wind for the stinging tears in his eyes. Yes, it's all the cold, just the cold that numbs your body and makes you tremble. It had nothing to do with how painfully happy Seunghoon was, nothing to do with how lonely he felt sitting alone on this cold beach ringing in the new year alone. Actually! Wishing him luck, that's all Taehyun ever wanted for him. But couldn't he have a little luck too? Someone to share it with to make this cold dawn a little less lonely and a little warmer?

Even if that person couldn't be Lee Seunghoon, would he feel much better if he could find someone to ease his loneliness and maybe even help him warm up?

It's not as cold as I thought, it's alright
sit still and watch
The waves come and go
It's not as depressing as you think.
today I

I came here to empty it
Like the scribbles you wrote
last summer in the sand
It won't be fast and it won't be slow
It's too new for me to start the year alone

Taehyun closes his eyes, puts his head in his hands and sighs. The cold makes him sleepy, but maybe that's why he feels less? There is only nothing left and an empty place. Not like last summer. In the summer, the two of them rented a car and only came here as a couple. After setting off the fireworks, building a campfire and sleeping on the sand wrapped only in blankets and each other.

Seunghoon was so cute back then, he brought Taehyun's favorite wine and served them with makgeolli bows because that's all they found in the place they rented. It was so goofy (and classless) that they were soon laughing so hard their stomachs hurt, and moments later, Seunghoon jumped up and started yelling all sorts of love confessions. As cute as he was, Taehyun told him to come down, and the result was that his friend wrote the same things in the sand that she had yelled at the sea. Big letters, words of love and affection, cute enough to make Taehyun blush before dragging Seunghoon into the water with him.

It had been a good summer, good last few months to spend together. A time in which they simultaneously approach and move away. It's strange how it turned out that way.

Taehyun raises his head, slowly wipes his tear-stained cheeks, and looks back at the sea. It's been a year since the break up and she still didn't know if she was really over it. If she acted like he was fine, of course she would. No one would notice his action or pierce his armor. That was not his style. But it took time for him to get to a point where it was no longer just about armor, but really being true to himself.

A lot had happened to the five of them over the years, but they always came back here. Then he would come back here too, smile at Seunghoon and the others and pretend like he always did. Whether she was over it or not, that was it and how she would do it. If he could handle this day in this place alone, then he could handle the future.

Like he always did.

Because life went on. Even if you were hurt, if you lost someone, time would slowly heal the wounds. As much as it hurt right now, it would get better, and time was the only real medicine he could take. Taehyun would let himself get hurt now, and he would hurt as long as he had to. What was the point of trying to escape the pain? He would eventually go away and feel better. Possibly.

It was a word that Seunghoon always hated and always got mad at. He protested that if he works hard, he will improve instantly, instead of "finally". "When is that 'sometime' you keep talking about?" he asked once as he lay face down on Taehyun's bed while Taehyun fixed his hair, ready to go to work. The only answer he got was: "It feels good", was his response, knowing that he would do nothing to please his partner.

He personally liked the word very much. "Possibly". "Finally, finally, some time later" Wasn't that a nice word? It didn't mean that something could happen in the future, it definitely meant that it would happen, but not now. If everything was ready for it, then it would happen. What more reason would anyone need? If you knew things would get better with time, it would be easier to hold on a little longer. That's what Taehyun told himself every time he picked up the phone to call Seunghoon. They hadn't worked and it hurt like hell. But if he fought a little longer, things would really get better.

Life went on.

And it really went on.

Taehyun was too lost in himself to notice the company. A sudden shadow fell over him as colors in all shades of red, orange, and yellow began to paint the horizon.

"What are you doing here alone? You didn't even reply to messages?

Words are warm and welcome. Taehyun looks up and blinks a little in the growing light, waiting for the newcomer's face to clear. He hadn't expected that. But the company is welcome, all the more so as it suddenly seems warmer and less desperate. He is no longer alone. And the new year started with something new. No one knows where this will take him, but he will eventually find out.

Possibly.

"What are you doing here? Did you seem busy?

"I thought I'd go get some fresh air. Sitting here with you could be a great start to the new year."

The person next to him might not have been the same person as the year before, and sad as it was, at least he wasn't alone now. He also didn't argue or sit heartbroken in a taxi back to Seoul.

That's good
It looks much better than this time last year
just one thing
you are not here
That's sadness, that's all.

Fin.